If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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