she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
