I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
