grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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