I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
