I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She told me I should be a condom model.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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