I heard we made out
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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