It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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