I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
