i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
