i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
