I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Randomize
