You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
