he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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