idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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