OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
