Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
being pregnant is like rehab
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
