She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
