tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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