Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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