Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
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Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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