i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
