Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
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He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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