you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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