mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
