based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
