An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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