We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
True strength comes from lack of pants
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
