Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
