my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
