No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
