24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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