super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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