I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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