you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I understand Curling. That high.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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