Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
