You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
