Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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