The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
