New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
