apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
