Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
