have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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