New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
