it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
