Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
