If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Let's get the cat blown out
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
