I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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