I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
