ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
