from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
