the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
