I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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