It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
