Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
