you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
