Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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