glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
