hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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