I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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