69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
