Your face is a jimmy john
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
