you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
