Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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