So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
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I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Someone came in the potted fern
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Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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