i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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