Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I am midnight drunk by noon
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
