I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I supernannyed him into submission
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
