we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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