Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
