I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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