I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
