when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
operation have a gay friend backfired
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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