FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
