Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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