I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
