i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
