you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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