I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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