Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
