He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
